Sunday, April 7, 2013

What the F**K?

Every so often you come across information that makes this world feel even more sideways that it usually does.


Pope Francis, newly…um…crowned Bishop of Rome, is now Tweeting. The most recent Pope Benedict, was the first Wearer of the Fancy Hat to expand into the social media world, when the Vatican opened the @Pontifex account in December, 2012.

It’s all very interesting, the Pope conducting his religious business in this way, but it does cause me to wonder: exactly how effective is a blessing after it journeys through cyber space? There is truly some mysterious god-stuff at work here…

President Satan

The History Channel recently aired the mini-series The Bible. Some people say that the actor who plays Satan resembles President Obama. While that may or may not be true, there is something far more disturbing afoot. It is this: why in the name of all reason was something called The Bible aired on the History channel?

Traveling Transgendered

Trinidad, Colorado, has long been a center for sex-change surgery. Does anyone but me think that this sign, posted on I-25 just at the town’s limits, is hilarious?

Hello Mullah, Hello Fatwa

Osama bin Laden was a fanatic of the first stripe. He refused to listen to music, lest it inflame his passions, and would not allow his family or followers to use ice because he thought it was too decadent. And yet—and yet—it seems that one of his favorite pastimes was…wait for it…volleyball. The crazy fuck loved to play volleyball.

Bacon Your Pardon

The bacon craze in this country simply has to stop. Every goddamn thing has bacon in it now. Denny’s has a hot fudge sundae with bacon crumbled on top. There is bacon-flavored chewing gum. There is bacon-flavored Cracker Jack. There is even  a company out there marketing bacon-flavored condoms. Just, please, stop it! Or at least show some logic, and make ‘em sausage flavored…

This Just In

On April 2nd, Public Policy Polling released the results of their poll on conspiracy theories. Feast your brains on a few of the highlights:

·         Seven percent of Americans believe the moon landing was faked.
·         29 percent believe in aliens/UFOs, and 21 percent believe that the government is hiding aliens in Area 51.
·         5 percent think Paul McCartney croaked in 1966 and was replaced with a double.
·         Another 5 percent think that the contrails left in the sky by jets are actually chemicals being sprayed on the masses for mind-control purposes.
·         Speaking of mind control, 15 percent of Americans believe that the media adds mind-control signals to radio and TV broadcasts.
·         20 percent think that vaccinations cause autism.
·         4 percent of Americans believe that an interstellar race of reptilian beings take human shape and control the government.
·         11 percent think the government allowed the 9/11 attacks to happen.


13 percent of Americans believe that Barak Obama is the Anti-Christ, while another 13 percent simply “aren’t sure” if he is or not.

My fellow Americans, could you please just take a few minutes out of each day and try not being so fucking American.

Sweet shit…


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